Occasional Observations of Traveling Technology Coach

Roast of Charles Bender

Ladies and gentlemen, gather around because we’ve got a real workshop warrior in the house—Mr. Charles Bender! If enthusiasm were a currency, Charles would be a billionaire, but unfortunately, we can’t pay the bills with “fun” and “cool tools,” can we?

First off, Charles, you introduced us to Kid Pix, a program that feels like a nostalgic trip back to when we thought dial-up internet was the pinnacle of technology. Your love for that pixelated masterpiece makes me wonder if you’ve ever tried to upgrade your graphics settings—or if you think Minecraft is still cutting-edge design.

And speaking of low tech, let’s talk about your obsession with rubber bands and nails in Geo Board. I mean, what’s next? Are we going to start making art with popsicle sticks and glue? At this rate, I’m half expecting you to suggest finger painting with Crayola.

Your transition to generative AI was a rollercoaster, Charles! You jumped from Adobe Express to Canva like it was a game of musical chairs. I’m surprised you didn’t ask us to write a poem about the merits of each program as we switched. And your prompt for the AI artwork—a rainbow unicorn eating a birthday cake with moonbeam frosting? Wow, talk about creativity! I can’t tell if you’re teaching art or auditioning for a children’s show.

Let’s not forget your musical interlude with the Chrome Music Lab. If “terrible” was a sound, you’d be the reigning champion! But hey, at least you admitted to not knowing the first thing about music. It’s nice to see a man who knows his weaknesses—like keeping a beat!

And finally, your insistence that the world of digital art is “forgiving” is a nice way of saying that nobody has to take responsibility for their work! If only life were that easy, right? Charles, you’ve turned art into a free-for-all where the only skill required is knowing how to click a mouse.

In conclusion, Charles, you’re a gem in the rough, a true pioneer of the digital art world, and perhaps the only person who can make a workshop on “fun” feel like a math lecture. Keep rocking those retro vibes, but maybe consider a little upgrade for the future—your audience might appreciate it!

Thank you for being you, Charles! Now, let’s see if we can find a Geo Board to hang on the wall next to the lava lamp.”